I wake at 3:30 after only being asleep for two hours. I’m wide awake. This is where I do my thinking.
My late night/early morning thinking has evolved, going from “what ifs” to “what is.” I look to my left and in the sliver of light coming in the window from the street lamp, I see him there. It still makes me stop and hold my breath sometimes, to see him next to me, as if it’s just a dream and breathing will wake me into a former life.
Once again, I end and start a year with this man next to me. Sleeping, awake, together, apart, he’s always next to me. Always supporting, encouraging, helping me grow.
So much love. So much laughter. So much to look forward to.
I love starting off a new year so full of hope and optimism. It’s not something I’ve been afforded the opportunity to do often enough in my 50 years. So pardon me while I revel in it.
I was going through some old folders and found this picture of Todd I’d forgotten about.
This was taken the winter he moved here.
When I came across it unexpectedly my heart skipped a beat.
I remember this day. I remember that cold, bitter wind and my fear that the frigid weather would drive him back to California.
Almost six years later, he’s still here. And he still makes my heart skip.