I’ve been living with neck and back pain for a week. It’s probably a pinched nerve and it’s been frustrating and painful and just damn annoying.
Saturday, Natalie brought out her essential oils. She said the peppermint oil would help with the pain. I had my doubts. But damn if that shit doesn’t alleviate the pain for a while. Better than Advil, better than the 800mg Motrin I’d been taking.
Just something to keep in mind. If you want to know anything about essential oils, send Natalie an ask.
Got up at 4:45 today to start cleaning my house because Nicky and Aaron are coming over today to hang out with me and Todd and Lisa and Giselle and Natalie and the dogs!
So we’re sitting around talking about pets and Natalie starts telling the story of the cannibal hamsters. She couldn’t remember exactly how it happened but lucky for her, I captured the entire story on my old blog when it happened.
I thought I’d share.
(October 16, 2002)
The kid at the pet store swore that we were buying two male hamsters. So when they began retreating to a corner of the cage and performing nasty deeds with each other, we just shrugged and figured they were gay.
Kobe, the smaller of the two, gave birth this morning. So much for the “two males” theory.
Natalie and DJ were standing by the cage, watching Kobe run around while a tiny mutant looking thing dangled out of his backside. Akuma, the molester hamster, was trying to pull the mutant baby out.
Ok, the babies weren’t exactly mutants but have you ever seen a newborn rodent? They look like miniature versions of ET.
Anyhow, I grabbed Akuma out of the cage, put him in the attached cage, and took off the tube separating the two. Some maternal rodent instinct kicked in and I was sure that I was doing the proper thing. It just didn’t look right for the father to be pulling the baby out with his teeth.
Natalie screamed. “SHE’S EATING THE BABIES! SHE’S EATING THE BABIES!”
Sure enough, Kobe was stuffing the mutants into her mouth like they were treats.
“Maybe she’s just storing them in her cheeks so she can take them to the upstairs cubby,” I said.
“Right, mom. She’s chewing.”
DJ was staring intently. “Do you think they taste good? I bet they’re really nutritious.”
“You want to try one?” I pretend to open the cage up.
“Ewwww mom! Hey, how come there’s no blood or anything squirting out when she bites on them?”
“She’s eating them whole.”
They stare for a few minutes then a look of horror crosses DJ’s face.
“Umm..mom? Weren’t they from the same litter?
“SHE DID IT WITH HER BROTHER!!!”
DJ and Natalie alternate between making gagging sounds and cracking up. Meanwhile, I go to the computer to look up FAQs on hamsters. I talk to the incestuous rodent.
“You should have thought about this before you started humping her, you know. What did you think was going to happen? Now you get stuck in the little apartment and she wants no part of you. Oh yea, I know, she’s partly to blame. She could have said no. But you’re going to have to go back in there and take responsibility for your actions.”
I read through the FAQs as I talk to Akuma. “Now, Akuma, you go back in there and umm…lick the babies and eat the placenta. And then umm…clean up your girlfriend, too. And help her out with the babies.”
I envision myself giving this talk to DJ some day. Without the placenta eating part. I think “It’s never too early to start handing out condoms.”
You can learn an awful lot from a rodent.
If Snowden was your son, would you be proud or mad right now?